The Golden Memory

2009

2009-01-07T21:52:00.004+08:00

Well, there are many lessons that i learnt in 2008 and that inspires me to write down some resolutions for 2009. Well, i dun usually have much resolutions in life but strangely, i felt like having one this year. In 2008, i finally have the guts and determination to take more control of my life and be a better person through it all. I get rid of any negative influences or people in my life and also learn that taking a step back and listening is not a bad thing after all and the most important lesson? i learn to curb my stubborness and my temper. i don't know why in 2008 i seem to get emotional more often than not...too emotional i feel...so my resolutions in 2009 will be to find more positive influences, to be more in control of my emotion and to be less stubborn. i think i can do that...i am convinced it is so. My recent holiday trip was really fun that i don't want to come back and start school, sigh, but i guess time wait for no man and in the blink of an eye, 2009 is here. i feel that once you reach uni and working world, you will start feeling that time is slipping by too fast...the people around you start to grow up and old very fast too...suddenly your cousins, friends and peers start getting married one by one or someone whom you just talked to last week may suddenly pass away...but through it all, time still seeps by it's usual speed. it won't wait for you to weep tear of joy or misery and it won't symphatise either. 2008 has been a year of revelation to me. though i always say that time passed by too quickly, i did not feel it as acutely as 2008. it's like a year of much teaching and revelations. i can think things more clearly and make decisions that i know the likelihood of me regretting them in the future will be very small.
On a happier note, today, i met an old friend of mine today! And of all places, i met her sitting around my uni! Haven't met her for a long time already. And her hair is now much longer. Sometimes, i really miss the good ol days when i can go on 'excursions' with my big extended family in Indon. That time was like my golden time. The best time of my life when i was still carefree....Have to snap out of my whimsical mind as i have things to study. i guess, the study cycle begins again after my one month break...

Uni Life

2008-09-01T16:40:00.003+08:00

Well i feel that life has been very fast for me in 2008. Where's my so-called 8 months holidays that i've been hyped out about last year. i don't feel that i've had any holidays at all. Sigh, well at the very least, with all the school works and admin stuff that i need to do or go for, i managed to squeeze a 2 weeks holidays to my hometown! Miss it so much! (ps and of course the food). i think that words will not do justice to the sights that invite me when i went back. the scenery there is just so spectacular...well, the pictures above are some of the proof. Well for me i feel it's really beautiful that is. i cannot do it justice as i suck at phototaking and am a tech-idiot, thus, uploading these photos are quite hard and i can't seem to get it right. Maybe when i have sought out my tech-savvy friends and ask pointers from them, i will be able to post a more decent blog. Hahahaha. anyway, i went to various different states and pass by mountains and lots and lots of greenery. it's so good to be back with nature and take a step back in life to 'take a breather'. i did just tat during the 2 weeks and i feel infinitely better. i am able to be more clear-headed about what i am doing or going to do and my life just feels...more in perspective i guess..
Well, uni life has started and i am swamped with work, but old habits die hard and i am still fond of procrastination...a no-no for a uni student. Shall persevere to kick out this bad habit of mine. Only realize that in uni, there's so many things yet so little time. So many things i want to join or learn...but they all clash with one another. i guess i know now what's the meaning of prioritise. i definitely need to do just tat! although i swear i am swamped till the max, i just have a gut feeling that life is gonna be just fine. i am now relying more on faith in myself and determination to see that i can make it through. i feel that life becomes more focused and more meaningful when i stop thinking negatively and be positive instead. though i still tend to worry over nothing, but on the whole, i will block out any negative thoughts and influences and nurture myself with more positive influences such as thinking positively myself. this makes me have the inner calm that i seek and thus, i am more assured that life is gonna be ok even though i don't know what's ahead of me and even through any ups and downs. well , i guess i need to end my rant for now... have assignments that i have not completed!

Work Yo!

2008-06-22T11:07:00.002+08:00

Well, i guess i haven't blogged since the start of the year. Been busy with a number of stuff. Driving lessons...work...and of course enjoying life! i have just realized that i think i have missed out on a lot of things in the past. it's good that i have this half a year to take a step back, relax and unwind. it may sound contradictory. i mean i am busy working and i am saying i am relaxing (?!). Well, my form of relaxation is not to have any burden, negative thoughts and also worry over results, studies and stuff like that. Also, although i work, i have wonderful colleagues who know how to have fun. we go out for dinners and stuff. and of course, joke about in office to brighten up the atmosphere which makes working less tedious. maybe in the future it'll be a different story since ppl will try to work hard to get promoted and earn higher salary. but for now, i am appreciating the fun of being in a temporary job! In fact, just yesterday, we have a BBQ party! Became real crazy and 'hyper'. Went home quite late and met tis crazy guy. was walking to the bus stop with 3 of my friends when tis guy, carrying many plastic bags, just stopped in his tracks and was staring at us. i was trailing behind but we were very uncomfortable with his actions and so my friends asked me to hurry up. after i walked past him, he immediately turned around and still kept staring at us while also making a step to our direction! we immediately just ran to the bus stop like there were dogs chasing us. it was freaky. especially since the area was quite quiet at night. haiz, just wanna shake off the feeling. but the BBQ party was a success! Gonna have my driving test soon. So worried...i hope i can pass on my first try!

2007

2008-01-10T13:21:00.000+08:00

Well, all i can say about 2007 will be that it has been 'the' year. It's the hectic year, the year i take my 'a' levels and most importantly, the year i realize that i've to grow and wisen up. It's the year when i finally know the direction i want to take in my life and have the courage and determination to go about executing the steps needed in order to achieve what i want. Essentially, it is the year in which i finally have a goal in life. Most of the time, i feel that i am living in this world that is shrouded with much confusion and not to mention, much 'cluelessness'. I don't know what i want to do in life and is just passing through the motion. Everyone around me seems to have it going around them as they know what they want to do and has a headstart compared to me. Although i ask myself many times and even consult many people...i still am at point zero. However, after all the stress and 'bumping arounds' that i experience this year, i finally realized what i really want to do in life. Although i am still doubtful on whether i can achieve my goals, as i think i screw up big on my 'a' levels, i try to remain optimistic that nothing is too late. I will just have to pick myself up again and not give up.
Well, for starters, i am going to start work next week. Who knows this experience will be another corner stone in my life in which the experiences will equip me for life. Many of my friends are already working, whereas for the guys, they are serving NS. It seems after 'a' levels, all our goals kinda 'branch out'. It's hard to believe that just a few months before we are all of the same mind and spirit, to ace our exams and get good grades. Well, of course we are still on the same mind for the results and are eagerly and apprehensively waiting for them. However, it just feels different as all of us are doing different things and not meeting one another as often. It just shows how time flies. All of us will have different agendas now and things will be different. It feels just yesterday in which i entered college. Well, hopefully, 2008 will be an even better year.
For now, i am learning how to drive! Feel a little nervous during the first practical lesson as i had not touched the wheels for a year due to concentrating on studies and such. Well but i do learn new things such as fully releasing the clutch which i didn't know previously. But i just have to see how it goes...i am on the hunt for cars for now. I know i sound impatient as i have yet to take my first theory test and here i am hunting for cars already but it just seems fun to just observe the cars in Singapore and deciding on which cars look nice and have a big boot for storing stuff. Been a very tiring December in which i do not know what i am busy about but it seems that i have wasted my time on nothing at all after finishing exams. On the bright side, i have my long overdue reprieve to rediscover myself but on the down side, i feel that i have wasted my time which can be used on more important matters. I guess i can blame it on the hectic schedule and the small series of misfortune that i have in December. I have yet to get rid of and clean up my room that is filled with piles of papers! Oh Dear! I am so ashamed when anyone goes to my house as my room is constantly in a mess for the past few years. People must have thought what a messy girl i am and how disorganized. I am thinking of getting new shelves as my books are 'overflowing' and there are boxes all around. It's time for real spring cleaning which has been delayed for a very long time due to my priority on studies. Ok, i think i should stop giving excuses as i can just blame myself for my laziness and procrastination. But i think i should put a stop to it and change for the better. And not to mention, start cleaning up as Chinese New Year is coming! Do hope that i can maintain this positive attitude this year! Jia you!

random thoughts

2006-11-11T23:21:00.000+08:00

I saw some students when i went home late a few days ago and i don't know why but i started to become envious of them. well these students are those who are taking o level or a level papers depending on their age and uniforms. in fact when i stepped out of my school library at 5.30 pm, a senior of mine appeared and happily informed me her papers are all over. i congratulated her. well one thing is for sure, after hearing her and seeing all those in school uniform, i start thinking. one thought or rather feeling that i have will be envy.

Well see, i noe that there's no use to be envious of those taking o level as i have been through it before...the excitement, anticipation, dread, frustration you name it. but for some reason when i saw them that late afternoon, i feel like as if i am in secondary school again, trapped in tat time in which i want to graduate and move up the academic ladder but it seems i am limited by time. i don't noe why, for some reason, while wearing my uniform, i don't feel like i am a college student..rather i am back to secondary school. well i guess my sentiments arise from the fact that for my age, my friends would have graduated and gone into university...while i am still in college. i don't noe why i feel worse than a sec4 student as i feel tat at least, they are graduating while i need 1 more year. the restless feeling keeps nagging at me. and hearing my senior only make me feel worse as i want to feel unburdened too...just for a minute if possible. i guess during school days that will be the case...after psle then o level then a level or poly...but in essence they will try to get into uni...but then for some reason, the uniform i wore on that day feel extra heavy and i can't wait to get home and change.

but once i reach home, i remember something that i always like to say and that will be i don't want to really grow up and want to continue being a student if possible and instantly i feel better. well i also realize one thing after these thinking...i am a contradictory person.

musings

2006-11-08T11:37:00.000+08:00

I swear that if my blog is made of metal, it would have rusted along ago.
well blame it on my laziness and lack of time.
it seems that overall, this year, time is a more precious element that i have taken for granted in the past. well to start with, time seems to pass by like a flash of lightning.
after having a fun time during the 1st 3 months, i had to face reality that the mid year exam is in 6 months time. and before i can actually recover from the setback of the mid year exam, another calamity looms and that will be the end of year exam which will be in another 3 months time. strange that for everthing the big event seems to happen 'in 3 months time' coupled with many small but very important exams along that '3 months period' i am surprised i didn't crumble at all. well i guess next year will be worse and i am trying to brace myself for the unescapable desctruction and that will be....THE A LEVELS! haha, i noe i sound dramatic but then i really do feel that way. though i am having a suppossed holiday, but in real fact i still feel that i am leading a normal school life except it does feel much freer and more relaxed. for starters i just had chinese a exams and to top it off, i still need to think about pw and the upcoming op. sigh, even after that i think all jc students try to keep their holidays busy. well mine will be taken up by an attachment i had signed up for.
it just feel so different than when i was in primarey or secondary school in which i really had a holiday where i don't think about exams and homework though i have one. and there is no urgency to keep the holiday busy. well i guess as time goes by responsibility also increases and there won't be much relaxing time anymore. to make matters worse, suddenly my body seems to like to sleep a lot when there's so many things to do. in the end i seem to be doing things with a detached mind as i struggled to keep my eyes open. sigh.
but one thing is for sure. this year i learn more about coping with stress.

Anxiety

2006-01-30T12:33:00.000+08:00

The clocks are ticking, much to my dismay and disturbance, the days are drawing near...until finally.... The Dooms Day arrived. 'O' level results will be released soon....and i'm scared...

I have many reasons to be scared:
1. tat will mean more responsibilities
2. tat will mean more troubles n dilemmas like which jc to go to
3. tat may mean more words from family either good or bad comments
4. wat if my distant cousin does better than me?
5. school term will officially start which means no more play time

The date is drawing near and i swear tat tis eternal wait n stuff is killing me!

in retrospect

2005-11-24T20:24:00.000+08:00

I am glad that 'O'z is finally over. But it seems that it is still haunting me. I cannot shake the uncomfortable feeling that i should study now instead of playing or shopping. And it's very late now, u should at least be at home. Sometimes i even wake up very early thinking i should go to school and that i'm late. i just feel sort of wretched. But i guess this is the effect of concentrating on da goal: the 'o'z for 4 years! Since i entered sec 1, a gnawing feeling...an invisible force that controled me...always lurked somewhere. As years passed by, the feeling just grew stronger and stronger until it became an all consuming fear and anxiety in sec 4. Even the textbooks become my life during the 4 years, but just in a few days, it is not of importance to me. That feeling is just weird. Like jumping from one extreme condition to another radical condition. Like goin from sahara desert to antartica. It is just too sudden. That's why until now i still feel guilty and apprehensive in doing things that i dun usually do in the last 4 years. Even until now i have not gotten rid of the papers and books. They are precious and at the same time useless. i hope i can escape from this dilemma soon.

Sigh....................

2005-09-25T23:14:00.000+08:00

Finally, i got around to have enough time to write. Hehe.....I'm actually kinda happy as......prelims is OVER. But then, i noe i still need to study. Even my frenz started studying again for the oz. Sigh, well that's life. Actually neither am i lookin forward for prelims to end nor am i lookin forward for it to stretch till i dunno when. Well it sounds contradicting but yes i hate exams but if the prelims are over, it means that in a short period of time i'll be seeing it again. With the red crosses, abusive words, and marks of course. The faster the papers are back, the faster your future is set as if u dun get good grades, u'll need to study like hell and u have also confirmed the fact that your dream of getting into a good jc for the first three months have flown off. Therefore, i am only happy that i need not be stressed by having to study for a while since prelims have ended but at the same time, i'm dejected as my doom will come soon. oh yeah, u can have tis mentality that who cares or well have fun first before you meet your doom etc. But when the time really comes and you sat staring at the paper and the paper staring back at you, i think that you will not have the same thoughts anymore. Unless you've done well off course. Well... i noe i shouldn't think so much as it's still far away but actually it is only in a week's time. Plus the school is resuming lessons, so tell me how i can have time to have fun. Sigh... too bad then, life still has to go on i guess. Let's just hope that in the bleakness of my future and life, there'll be a silver lining of hope.

Sick.....!

2005-07-13T20:30:00.000+08:00

Today's oral just sucks!!!!!!!!!!!! I dunno wad overcome me today but i was spouting nonsense and the teacher was looking at me thoughtfully and frowning!! Such a wonderful present for my coming b'day! HA! My foot! Moreover, i'm gonna get back my exams also around my b'day, just what the heck! I think i really must learn to control my emotions but i'm physically and emotionally tired. My b'day is approaching and here i am not lookin forward to it. There'll be problems that i will anticipate though i agree that i may be too paranoid....and also it's because that means that i have grown older...more white hair and problems and responsibilities.....

I think i'd rather not think about it as it gave me the shivers. I also have a gut feelin that i'm not gonna do well for my chemistry. Imagine having a shock before the chem paper. Though i know that i cannot use the reason of having a shock as an excuse but at least it makes me feel better. i dunno if it's correct or not but i'm too tired to think....

To think or not to think...that is the question

2005-07-07T21:17:00.000+08:00

Hmm, i'm at a lost to how to start....basically these days i feel that it never rains but it pours. At one shot, i'm suddenly overwhelmed with many problems especially my studies basically. How can a freaking exam be so so hard? Can never stop asking myself that. Like as if that's not enough, many other things are coming up. Feel like there's a rope that is twining round my neck, choking my life out of me, slowly and slowly and slowly.....hmm, think that's too melodramatic.

I sometimes wonder if it's possible to pretend that something is not true though you have heard enough 'experts' saying otherwise. I mean i noe that i'm not really experienced in seeing things like that but still i dun like to think about it. Kinda freak me out but i still have to face it. I just pray that at least my nightmare won't come true. I dun want to hurt anyone but i noe that life will never be so pure innocent and free of pain. That'll be too naive.

This week i've learnt a lot about appreciating my life better. A close relative of mine died in the hospital and i've been visiting her for some time before she passed away. I see many things itn the hospital that make me be thankful for the healthy body that i have and not to abuse it. Feels great to know that you're healthy and that you can do anything you want instead of being bedridden. It also make me realize that i should treasure my life as life is just too short. This teaches me that i will have to make the most and best of my life out of this short period of time in this world and not just live on regrets.

gratitude

2005-04-06T22:32:00.000+08:00

whew, well finally i can see some hope in my blog...except i dunno where my profile has gone...

Cherish

2005-03-25T15:46:00.000+08:00

Be thankful of whatever you have no matter how little or how much...

Greeings

2005-03-25T13:49:00.000+08:00

just a try out